Ah - Food!

Ah - Food!

My literary and food life converged today at the lunch counter at Tacqueria del Sol in Decatur. Next to me, a lively woman was talking about her recent trip to NY City and her encounter with the rudest/most authentic restaurateur in the city – maybe the world. Christiane Lauterbach (for the uninitiated, she has been reviewing restaurants in Atlanta for over 25 years) had been in NYC as a member of the review board for the 2009 James Beard Foundation Awards. Told by another critic not to miss this place, in the retelling of the experience, I was reminded of a restaurant in St. Louis in the ’60′s/’70′s when I lived around the corner at Grand and Lindell.

 

It was an Italian restaurant, very old with equally old Italian men servers. We were warned they were the meanest men alive and it was a point of pride to survive a meal. I was eighteen and student poor but we saved up to get a lunch and a lesson. Remember that age? My attention was on the dare, certainly not the menu. Their accents were challenging so it didn’t really matter what they said because I couldn’t understand them anyway. I knew Southern and Ohio accents by that age. I made it through the meal, wide-eyed and food innocent (the scent of burned food in my home was common, another blog topic on attention) linking Italian food and rude servers until I married an Italian (see blog on divorce and attention).

Maybe the issue was communication not insult. But in Ms. Lauterbach’s newly found restaurant, the insult was the entree of communication and the meal was all the better for it. This attitude she conveyed, is an authentic life lived through insult and straightforward passion.

My blogging is my authentic life, not an insult rather an entry to a life with attention as I know it. It’s not literary; nor a talent but an expression of my lifelong challenge and passion – Authentically my Attention.

What’s your authentic challenge with attention?

An Attention Hangover

May 6, 2009
Wendy at forty!

Wendy at forty!

Frankly I’ve been in attention overload for a couple of weeks. Wendy invited me to her 40th birthday celebration, given by her friend Maria Maria Sangria. Need I say more – with an inventive name like that I should have been forewarned. We had found our way to a magical ten-acre untouched forest in way SW Atlanta where a giant forest spirit protected the land from being developed. And a reclusive creative artist kept the house and land as sacred space for visiting shamans and citizens.

We arrived after 10 pm in the warm April evening to meet women in long dark dresses and drapes, young women in bright dresses and skirts, men in street clothes, African dress and Jamaican hair and children and dogs of no particular description. It seemed not everyone there knew Wendy nor that it was her birthday. I discovered two Italian matrons who had just flown in from Italy for the weekend, and a Ghanaian spirit dancer on his way to the islands.

Only a little panicked I recalled attending the wrong wedding once and thought maybe this was the wrong party. But even in a forest glen like this, cell phones work and Wendy called to locate me. It was time for the drum circle and fire. I didn’t see a birthday cake or hear birthday songs, rather the drums started up and we gathered around the fire pit for a couple of hours of chanting, dancing, praying and a celebration of all of our lives.

In the dark, small lights lit semi-circles of chairs in the woodsy clearings up a straw strewn path past the fire pit to an outdoor open-air grotto. I grew up during the ’60′s and ’70′s in Atlanta; I saw the Allmann Brothers play for free in Piedmont Park; I didn’t make it to Woodstock, N.Y. but to Woodstock, Ga. for a similar festival, and I’d been to some unique parties in St. Louis during college, but I’ve never been to SW Atlanta for a Drum Circle celebration.

This was heaven on earth. People of all descriptions came and went with the wind, and when I left at 1 am the Jamaican music was just beginning. I was high on life for two days before the stimulation and pleasure of the evening began to wear off. I can only describe my state of mind as a kind of attention hangover – there was too much sensory input in the dark night with the drums and chanting for me to pay attention to time and space…can there be too much attention? Is too much attention simply an out of this world experience?

What is your attention hangover story?


Alice Walker in Her Garden

I love driving on Friday nights in Atlanta’s springtime. Aside from the warm, flowery scents and breezes to enjoy, there are literary and arts events galore to attend. Emory University recently held an evening celebration to honor the poet/activist Alice Walker having shown the wisdom, sense of heritage and mission to preserve ‘unique materials of permanent research value’ of Ms. Walker’s in the Manuscript, Archives and Rare Books Library (MARBL). With her blessings she has donated her complete archives to Emory University for research and study.

Emory University also had the grace to invite the public to share in the honorary evening with a few of Ms. Walker’s favorite people, from her English teacher at Spelman College and her friend Gloria Steinem to the writer who convinced her to let him script her novel into the movie ‘The Color Purple’. An hour after eight different, fluently presented recognitions from city, county and Emory representatives, Ms. Walker took control doing this cute little butterfly thing with her hands on her chest to acknowledge endless applause, looking for the all the world like she’d take flight.

It’s her words that really got me flying. The poetic imagery was delivered with the quiet strength of one used to having people pay attention. The seed of the evening’s theme took root while she shared memories from her new and old poetry. She is a force in creating world peace starting from the years of her involvement in the then young civil rights movement. It’s sad that thieves have stolen her name using it as a website hostage, but in spite of their efforts to control her, she has created www.alicewalkersgarden.com to chronicle her life and passions.

A large pink flower under her collar contrasted with a black dress, a subtle suggestion of an iconic lighting technique used for illuminating the face and suggesting the grace of a saint from below, as if the light of the soul came from both within and below, shining radiant light upward toward her face, like the sun was in her belly. I loved the continuous visually referent garden imagery in her language, a message of her commitment to the world.

There are people who yearn for unbroken things but Ms. Walker penned ‘I will keep broken things – I will keep myself.’ She recognizes the value of what appears broken as fully human, fragile and more precious than a porcelain dish displayed on the wall – never used but beautiful. She believes that saving even one turtle’s life is enough for a human to feel fulfilled and yet she exhorts us to see the possibility of world peace simply because it seems impossible. ‘There is a duty to life,’ she said while recalling a reflection of the Dalai Lama’s about America, ‘that it is a country where people do not seem to love themselves.’ What kind of action can unloved people take?

In the midst of the generous evening’s imagery, I oddly recalled a man from my early twenties who said he had nothing more to talk about, that he had run out of things to share. I yearn for nurturing language and creative vision and mission and passion that moves me to action. Thank God the man knew the limits of his attention and dropped away and Ms. Walker hasn’t yet found her limits. She continues to grow her language, and I had an evening of attentional inspiration about peace  that nurtured me and that inspires me to action. I’m an American who loves myself.

However, practically speaking the next time I go to Glenn Memorial Chapel at Emory University I’m bringing a seat cushion. I will. I love my comfort. I’ve attended events there for over twenty-five years and still I forget they are the hardest pews in history. However, honoring Alice Walker took a little edge off the the physical discomfort for me. Sometimes a little physical ache hurts so good while participating in the care and tending of the garden of peace and love, and attention.

What’s growing in your ‘garden of attention’?

Weight carries symbolic language; wait; tight; loose; overweight; heavy and flat: it is almost a dialect full of symbols of distraction and of personal and social interpretation. If you pay attention to the weight, what are you not paying attention to? What is weighing you down? Why, your feelings. “Metaphors transform unconscious patterns that hold and reveal deeper truths,” said Dr. Anita Johnston at a workshop Tuesday in Chattanooga, TN at the Center for Eating Disorders at Focus Healthcare of Tennessee. When your attention is more about being flat than being self-attentive, then what is abandoned in your soul? Carl Jung said that metaphor is the healing symbol on the emotional level.

What does this have to do with attention? Everything! It’s all about mind/body connection – and our ability to be fully in our body and fully attentive all at the same time. Dr. Johnston promotes the conceptual use of mythology and symbolic language as an entry point to consciousness. And consciousness is an entry point to attention. We need our consciousness in order to pay attention to the world within and the world without. She reminded us that in eating disorders there is a point of departure from full consciousness, often a trauma is the distraction to full attention.

Symbolically the disorder is like filling your home with many flags – ‘the flag is a symbol of the experience of being free, but you’re not more free because you have many flags’ Dr. Johnston explained. The eating disorder is like the number of flags, it is the symbol of nourishment but the resulting fat/thinness does not mean you’re more/less nourished.

How do you get someone back in their body? Use laughter to disconnect the Left Brain monologue long enough to feel again. Feelings are waves of energy said Dr. Johnston, suggesting the metaphor of water, the language of one who lives in Hawaii. Feelings pass like waves on the shore.

This body/mind disconnection is like a war against the body and the soul of the person.Dr. Johnston reminded us that we humans have a body, a mind and emotions, yet we are much bigger than the sum of all the parts. The body becomes the vehicle to take me places. The mind is the co-pilot and emotions help me understand all the parts. Recalling the Sorcerer’s Apprentice in Fantasia, don’t fall asleep while all the brooms (Left Brain monologue) work to drown you (keep you under or over-nourished). Feed your attention.

 

Training for Distraction

April 20, 2009

Take that pile upstairs while you’re on your way up.‘  ’Don’t leave the room empty-handed.’ These two admonishments were companions in my childhood home. ‘Take this while you’re going that way.’ I guess I can keep remembering the many ways I was trained in distraction. My favorite is ‘Don’t think about yourself – think about other people’s needs.’ Whew – that was distracting information for an evolving sense of self. ‘Can you drop this off at her house if you’re in the neighborhood?‘ Sure, it’s only a few miles/minutes out of my way. ‘Can you return this for me – I don’t want to go back to that store.’ Yes, I’ll take responsibility for that.

And that’s my distracted childhood environment in a nutshell. It was all delivered day after day with a kiss and a smile and a badge of being a good child to my mom. It was different with Daddy. ‘Can’t you see what’s in front of your face?’ he would say coming up behind me when I couldn’t see what was in front of my face that he had sent me to retrieve. It was either momentary blindness or paralytic fear of his anger that completely blocked from my view whatever it was he wanted. I was trained in both physical and emotional distraction.

I remember asking one of my kids to get something for me that we all knew I was capable of retrieving on my own. I didn’t get anywhere with them. My Irish grandmother would tell us cousins to get something for her because our feet were younger and healthier than hers. But my kids knew my feet and legs were quite healthy, thank you very much. Have I trained them to be distracted, too? 

I believe we were born distracted and then endlessly drilled to develop it more fully, helplessly/naively hoping that someone in the world around us had a better handle on attention than we did. (Excuse me while I pick up the letter to take to the mailbox. I’ll just take that cup to the sink while I’m on my way out and maybe stop and pet the dogs which reminds me I have to buy more food and what’s that collar doing under the bureau? It sure is dirty – I better take it to the laundryroom…

Will I ever make it to the mailbox – oh, well there goes the mailman and my neighbor Jeannie is outside so we can talk about our flowers and…

What was the name of this blog? 

What’s your intention today to stay attentive and feel good about it?

Maureen