Do You See Attention in Everyone?

I travel on PBS. Occasionally, by car. But usually through the nature and travel channels. Recently I ventured on U-tube to the Sierra Nevada mountains in Colombia, South America. Here, a flourishing First Nation group, the Kogi, live as an uninterrupted lineage of survivors of the Spaniard Conquistadors for over 400 years. They recently allowed a modern woman to visit and take a video of their life while they shared some of their spirituality.

During their visit, the Kogi men were noted to have a small mortar and pestle with them at all times. Their tradition requires that the men keep stoking the mortar with spit throughout the day in order to build up layers of shell calcium. There is an intrinsic value, probably spiritually motivated that keeps the tradition alive. In addition, the women cultivate cocoa leaves to give the men before they sleep at night. This routine is used with the admonition for the men to reflect on what they’ve accomplished during the day and to plan what they will accomplish the next day.

My children say I see ADHD everywhere. I say, I respond to attention in all its manifestations.

My short interpretation of their cultural tradition is that the men are sedated at night by the cocoa leaves and are kept busy with the mortar and pestle throughout the day in order to focus their attention. This is a cultural and spiritual adaptation to the challenges of attention. They have survived to remember the beginning of time using these traditions. It’s brilliant.

Is this a compulsion that I see attention management everywhere? Do you?

How Daddy Taught Us to Interrupt

The supper table was Daddy’s pulpit. This is where we had his attention if only for an hour a day and we fought like cats and dogs to keep him engaged in our stories. And unlike a dog fighting trainer he sicced us on each other in a playful way. Daddy held court while Mama served dinner and the daughters ran back and forth to the kitchen to help her. In the meantime, the day’s stories would line up in our mouths like shoppers lined up at the store on the day after Thanksgiving – jockeying to get there first. And as we would spew out the first lines of the story he’d interrupt saying ‘come on, come on, spit it out or someone else will take your turn’. And someone else would start their story and…you get the picture?

So what comes first, being impulsive by nature or being trained to be impulsive? Daddy’s little game may have taught us to be rude, too because I haven’t yet met someone who likes interruption. A lifetime goes by and the three sisters all interrupt just as trained. What are the reasons to keep up the game? By now the origins are almost lost in the mist but the behavior stays the same. At any point in time, one of them interrupts to shut the others up, one to change their opinions and one to communicate something, desperately attempting the impossible.

And in the end, there is silence and no one is listening.

How to be Heard

Why do you interrupt? Are you afraid you’ll forget whatever is on the tip of your tongue while you have to wait your turn? So you want to control the show? Shall we say you’re impulsive? Is that enough of a reason to forget your manners? What did your daddy teach you?

Settle your mind while engaged in conversation. Start to trust that you will be heard especially if you’re silent until they’re through (and some people take a really long time to finish). Whatever you have to say will be heard by the people who should hear you, though not necessarily the ones you want to listen. This distinction requires reflection on your part. Who really needs to hear you? Who do you need to be heard by?