A Calling, A Fit and A Personal Transformation
ADHD Coach – It’s a Calling
by ADHD Coach, Maureen Nolan, ACC, Your Attention Coach
I became what I always needed – an ADHD Coach.
I needed a coach during all my academic years, especially when in architectural graduate school I heard myself say, ‘I need a wife’.
I needed a coach when I transitioned from full time editor to full time mom. It was a hard transition.
I needed a coach anytime I was told – just do it; try harder; you’re not paying attention; that was stupid; you’re doing that on purpose; why can’t you do what I want you to do; you don’t follow directions; don’t put words in my mouth; I can’t take it anymore; why are you so sensitive; why can’t you do anything right; that’s wrong; you’re wrong and on and on.
Each time I heard negativity I took it to heart and believed it must be so because someone said it.
I’ve since learned I don’t have to believe anything anyone says about me and sometimes I don’t have to believe what I think about myself! This is a healthy result of excellent ADHD Coaching I’ve received and it’s my gift to you. My job is to find what you’re good at and remind you that is the essence of your self-esteem. You Are; You Be; You Rock; You Thrive with an ADHD Coach.
Be transformed through coaching. It happened to me and it can happen to you, too.
Which Came First to Attention: Consciousness or Unconsciousness?
National Public Radio played an interview with Cal Tech scientist Cristoff Koch speaking on the source of consciousness. I looped around in my head for a while looking for a landing spot to store and process his concept. The best I could do was to believe he was saying the less you pay attention the more you pay attention. It’s like dreaming for answers; disconnect the left/logical brain from the right/creative brain and you’ll be there, wherever that is.
It oddly made sense to me since I use dreamwork with clients for brainstorming and problem solving. In other words the less you try to force a solution the more clear the solution becomes. Daydreaming really works and is a form of consciousness that is sorely underrated. So if you’re looking to solve that dratted math problem stop trying so hard to pay attention. Let your eyebrows relax. Move in to your unconscious to find the answer.
Do I have this right? What do you think?
Mindfulness and Attention – Are They Compatible?
What Is Your Mind Full Of?
Attention is a state of grace and after losing my attention over and over again I want a better relationship with grace. Keeping my attention is like keeping God in my mind. What can be done to live in that attentional grace space?
Two years ago the Dalai Lama convened a symposium on mindfulness as a treatment for depression at Emory University in Atlanta, Ga. It’s a short drive from my home, so I invited my sisters and daughter and together we attended the weekend event with some close friends all of whom live with ADHD or who work in the field of ADHD service.
Representatives of five major faiths presented their organized religious perspectives on mindfulness or meditation to the Dalai Lama.
Scientists presented papers to the Dalai Lama on studies on meditation and its impact on mindfulness.
The Dalai Lama was conversational, inquisitive, funny and friendly as the material was discussed in front of a few thousand attendees. He was serious in his investigation on the value of the Buddhist practice of mindfulness as a means towards health and wellness which impacts our ability to attend to what is important in our lives.
Practice Mindfulness for Anxiety Relief
Since then, I’ve recommended the practice of mindfulness to clients, teaching them on the spot how to live in the present moment because anxiety is an expression of future fear and extensive regret is related to living in the past. All we have is now.
When you have anxiety or regret that feels overwhelming, get two balls and juggle them slowly, back and forth from hand to hand. Do something you think is silly; anxiety and silliness cannot coexist in the same moment. Feel the position of your body – where is it? Where is your foot, your hand, your fingers? Tell yourself what you feel tactilely – how does the fabric you’re wearing feel? How does your hair feel? Pull yourself into the present moment and practice this mindfulness.
Tell me, how are you now? What do you want to pay attention to in the present moment?
Attention to Intuition
Where did the time go? Since my last post I’ve been distracted by the NC mountains, a town called Sylva and an area that easily distracts me from my first breath of fresh air in the morning ’til the weather shifts at night to cool me off for sleep. My attention to this country is new for me with friends and activities. It is a convergence of coincidences that my intuition tells me to take time and be with these people in this place.
What does your intuition tell you to pay attention to?
Attention to Your Emotions -
Are Your Emotions High Drama or Nothing at All?
High Drama at Home?
Do your family and friends pay an enormous amount of attention to your emotions or little at all? Does either reaction stimulate more or less emotion from you? What is the value of paying attention to emotions in your world? Do you have a choice?
Growing up, my family weighed heavily in the direction of emotional overload at all times, but I come from an addictive family environment. High drama was the rule of the day. My addicted parent appeared to be in control at all times, and we created the myth that it was true. The other parent was sick a lot. We walked on eggshells in the house (read Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason & Randi Kreger). We had fun too, but it was played out against the backdrop of this emotional dynamic. Oh, and we all live with ADHD.
Well, darned if I didn’t go and look for the same dynamic in some of my relationships outside the family. I was high drama depending on the situation – it’s like it was a cloak I took off and on. And like that cloak, now I can take on a full experience with my emotions or I can choose to spend less time with them. What I mean is that if I’m happy I can really get in to it or I can use the energy to move forward. The same is true with sadness or anger. I can stay stuck in the sorrow or I can use the information in a healing fashion and again move quickly forward.
This knowledge comes from my life long search for what’s normal with an attention challenge, but you don’t have to wait so long. When that right person, a friend or a partner pays healthy attention to you and your emotions are on green, don’t get stuck waiting. Cross over and start a new life of healthy attention habits. You can choose to leave the high drama behind. Cultivate your healthy emotions that serve a purpose by choosing to spend more time in the situations in which they will occur. What you pay attention to will grow.
How do you cultivate healthy emotional friends, partners and situations?
Link to the following article for an excellent review of emotional sobriety http://www.bhcjournal.com/default.aspx?articleId=28362&tabid=255
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