Your Attention Coach

Attention to Excuse Recovery

Excuses, excuses. They are the bane of life with ADHD. How often are excuses used and how much creative energy goes into making them believable? How close to lieing do they come? Are they lies and deceptions? Is there an edge of excitement that goes along with an excuse? Is it believable? What is its value? Can you keep track of the excuse and how often is the same one used?

I first remember thinking about excuses when an aunt told me she thought my mom had made too many excuses for me and my sisters when we were young. The comment felt like a double insult – one to me and then one to my mother. I still have a physical reaction when I remember her comment. Then years passed and excuses were made and used to get me into and out of trouble – too many commitments, too many appointments missed, too many friends miffed at me. Something began to dawn on me – a routine use of excuses was unhealthy. It was not mindful living.

Change behavior and change your life.

Once I got it and it took a really long time to get it – then I began to see that excuses weren’t necessary. It’s a simple thing to say no in the first place; it’s important for me to gauge my time because no-one else will do it! I realized I made excuses for my children, just like my mom with the same unknown dimension: the ADHD factor. Learning about ADHD I have learned about excuses.

My clients learn that in our coaching the ‘homework’ is done or not done. The excuses have no meaning unless we backtrack to the core event, emotion, feeling or challenge that puts the excuse mobile into motion. I struggle with disruptive behavior of my own, inattentiveness and distractions all day every day. I’m a pretty classic case study of standard ADHD so I know what’s going on for my clients.

I believe that a twelve step approach to changing your excuse use will get it under control while simultaneously learning about your brand of ADHD will lead to more time living in success and less time living in fear of being ‘found out’.

What was your most creative excuse and what is your new understanding of the inherent value of excuse recovery?

What Is Your Mind Full Of?

Attention is a state of grace and after losing my attention over and over again I want a better relationship with grace. Keeping my attention is like keeping God in my mind. What can be done to live in that attentional grace space?

Two years ago the Dalai Lama convened a symposium on mindfulness as a treatment for depression at Emory University in Atlanta, Ga. It’s a short drive from my home, so I invited my sisters and daughter and together we attended the weekend event with some close friends all of whom live with ADHD or who work in the field of ADHD service. Representatives of major faiths presented their organized religious perspectives on mindfulness or meditation to the Dalai Lama. Scientists presented papers to the Dalai Lama on studies on meditation and its impact on mindfulness. The Dalai Lama was conversational, inquisitive, funny and friendly as the material was discussed in front of a few thousand attendees. He was serious in his investigation on the value of the Buddhist practice of mindfulness as a means towards health and wellness which impacts our ability to attend to what is important in our lives.

Since that event, I’ve recommended the practice of mindfulness to clients, teaching them on the spot how to live in the present moment as anxiety is an expression of future fear and extensive regret is related to living in the past. All we have is now.

When you have anxiety or regret that feels overwhelming, get two balls and juggle them slowly, back and forth from hand to hand. Do something you think is silly; anxiety and silliness cannot coexist in the same moment. Feel the position of your body – where is it? Where is your foot, your hand, your fingers? Tell yourself what you feel tactilely – how does the fabric you’re wearing feel? How does your hair feel? Pull yourself into the present moment and practice this mindfulness.

Tell me, how are you now? What do you want to pay attention to in the present moment?

ADD Coaching is:

• humanistic in nature. Clients are accepted unconditionally in their presenting situation.
• a collaboration and partnership. I honor your experience and perspective.
• is discovery. Are the present beliefs working for you?
• is about movement – guiding you to be in the flow of your life and toward the development and achievement of your goals.
• affirming of your right and capacity for self-direction.
• facilitating your goals.
• supporting of self-initiation.
• is preparatory – what will you do when x happens?
• is intentional.
• is reflective.
• is affirmative.

Coaching is based on a Five Stage Model for Change

1. precontemplation

2. contemplation

3. Preparation

4. Action

5. maintenance

Coaching is carried out in a safe environment for change to occur by:

• Promoting insight
• Promoting self-evaluation
• Making a commitment to act
• Identifying and avoiding situations that produce non-productive behaviors (i.e., being late)
• Using rewards for goal attainment
• Role playing
• Exploration of the problem/challenge from a different perspective
• Encouraging self-advocacy
• Encouraging supportive relationships both professional and personal

This definition of ADD Coaching describes the backbone of a coaching relationship. It is derived from a presentation at CHADD National 2009 in Cleveland, OH developed by Sandy Maynard.